Okay, let’s talk about the Nine of Swords. Pulled this one during a time when, honestly, I wasn’t sleeping much. Kept finding myself wide awake at 3 AM, just staring at the ceiling.
Seeing the card itself? Yeah, it hit close to home. That image of someone sitting up in bed, head in their hands? That was pretty much me, minus the actual swords hanging on the wall, thankfully. My first thought was, “Great, just what I needed.” Didn’t exactly feel like a boost.
What Was Going On
At the time, I was dealing with a pile-up of stuff. Nothing huge or dramatic on its own, but just lots of little worries gnawing away. Deadlines at work felt impossible, had a disagreement with a good friend that was just hanging there unresolved, and money felt tighter than usual. Classic anxiety fuel, right?
- Work pressure: Just felt like I couldn’t keep up, always behind.
- Friendship stuff: That awkwardness after arguing, you know? Hated that.
- Money worries: Just the usual “making ends meet” stress, but it felt amplified.
It wasn’t like some massive crisis was happening in the real world. It was all churning inside my head, especially when everything was quiet at night. My mind would just start racing, going over the same problems again and again without getting anywhere. Total Nine of Swords vibe.
Dealing With It
My initial reaction was to kinda push the card, and the feelings, away. Tried distracting myself, watching late-night TV, scrolling endlessly online. Didn’t work, obviously. The anxiety was still there, buzzing under the surface.
So, after pulling that card, I decided to try something different. Instead of fighting the thoughts or trying to ignore them, I just… let them be there. I grabbed a notebook I keep by my bed.
I started writing down literally everything that was swirling in my head. Didn’t censor it, didn’t try to make it neat or logical. Just dumped it all onto the page. All the fears, the worst-case scenarios, the repetitive worries. It looked like a mess.
Getting it out of my head and onto paper was key. It felt like I was acknowledging the thoughts without letting them completely take over. Seeing them written down made them feel a bit… smaller? Less like shadowy monsters and more like specific, identifiable worries.
What Happened Next
It wasn’t an instant fix. Didn’t suddenly sleep like a baby the next night. But doing that brain dump helped. It quieted the mental noise just enough.
Over the next few days, I kept that notebook handy. When the anxiety started creeping up, especially at night, I’d write it down. I also started looking at the list during the day. What could I actually do about some of these things? Broke down some of the work stress into smaller steps. Planned to call my friend. Made a simple budget to ease the money fears.
The Nine of Swords, for me, became less about inescapable doom and more about severe mental anguish, often blown out of proportion by my own mind. It was a signal that my thoughts were running wild and needed some attention, some grounding in reality.
It’s still not a card I’m thrilled to see, let’s be real. But I don’t dread it like I used to. It reminds me to check in with myself, see what worries I’m letting spiral, and try to bring them out into the light. Sometimes just naming the fear takes away half its power. That was my big takeaway from wrestling with that card.
